Psychology Today | 4 Ways We Disrupt the Cycle of Generosity

How we ask for help — or how we respond to it — can make all the difference.

Master Your Success, a Psychology Today Blog by Wayne Baker, Ph.D.

Would you give your COVID vaccination appointment to a stranger? That’s what one person did in Austin, Texas. According to a story in the national press (here and here), Emily Johnson, a 68-year-old grandmother, faced open-heart surgery and needed to be vaccinated before the operation. Despite considerable effort, she wasn’t able to get an appointment. She posted her dilemma on the online platform Nextdoor. Christy Lewis, a stranger who lived in the area, offered her appointment to Johnson. Lewis was high-risk herself but felt that Johnson’s need was greater. They went to the clinic together. After explaining their situation to the supervisor, both received the vaccine.

If this story made you feel good, it’s because witnessing prosocial acts produces a warm glow. If the story inspired you to help others, it’s because witnessing prosocial acts increases the motivation to do so. Similarly, gratitude for help motivates paying it forward. Helping others enhances meaning in life and contributes to the well-being of givers and receivers.

All of these emotions fuel the giving-receiving cycle that is central to the functioning of human communities. Indeed, archeologist Richard Leakey considered the “honored network” of reciprocity—when our ancestors learned to share skills and food—to be what made us human.

Yet, sometimes we disrupt the cycle by how we ask for help or how we respond to offers of help. When we do so, people stop helping us.

Based on years of working with managers, executives, scientists, engineers, business students, and more, I’ve observed four ways that people impede the giving-receiving process—as well as how to avoid them…

Psychology Today | Reopening Schools and Parental Dilemmas

Can “proactive coping” help?

Master Your Success, a Psychology Today Blog by Wayne Baker, Ph.D.

America is embarking on an experiment of epic proportions: Reopening our schools, colleges, and universities. This experiment is taking place at a time when Americans are increasingly pessimistic about the trajectory of the pandemic and 7 out of 10 U.S. parents say it’s a risk to their health and well-being to return their children to school. A majority of American parents think it’s better to wait to open schools; parents of color are especially apprehensive.

Yet the experiment is taking place in one form or another.

For parents, it’s hard to know what to do. I feel this uncertainty personally because my family is one of millions participating in the experiment. This spring, our son graduated high school remotely. Now, he’s determined to move to a large state university, joining the vast majority (76%) of college students who want to return to campus. Should we let him go or compel him to remain home? If he goes, should he live in the dorms or off-campus? If he goes, what happens if the pandemic sweeps college campuses? …

Leader to Leader, Published Paper "THE LEADER’S CHS ROLE: CHIEF HELP SEEKER"

Abstract

This article explains the importance of leaders asking for help, which can be difficult for leaders. Various research is cited, including from the author's book All You Have to Do Is Ask , and from related academic studies. Four reasons in particular are examined in detail for why it can be difficult to ask for help: The Sage Syndrome, Fear of Looking Foolish, No One Can Help, and Not Knowing How to Make an Effective Request. Within the latter, Effective requests follow SMART criteria, though my definition of key elements are different from the conventional definition of SMART. In particular, S is for specific. M is for meaningful. A is action‐oriented. R means realistic. T means time bound. In addition, five ways to be the Chief Help Seeker are outlined: 1. Be a Giver‐Requester. 2. Start at the Top. 3. Build Your Brain Trust. 4. Tap Your Dormant Ties. 5. Use Your Technology Megaphone. Many technologies can be tapped to generate a culture of asking for, giving, and receiving help; such as videoconferencing, messaging apps like Yammer or Chatter, and customized collaboration technology platforms such as Givitas, one that I helped to develop based on the principles in the book.

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The Real Challenge of Generosity | A Psychology Today Blog

Wayne Baker becomes a new Psychology Today’s columnist with the blog series ‘Master Your Success.’

His first post in this series is title ‘The Real Challenge of Generosity.’ “In every act of giving is also an act of receiving. In the workplace, people don’t ask because they dread the social costs of seeking help, or they prefer to be self-reliant…”